Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hockey is a Stupid Sport

Recently, a friend of mine encouraged me to become a hockey fan. "It's the fastest game in the world!" he exclaimed.

Hah!

Maybe he was referring to the speed of the puck, that flat, poor-excuse-for-a-ball — the size of a ham sandwich — that they use in the sport. Heck, when I watch hockey on television, the snow on the screen is larger than the puck. The fact that it moves so fast is hardly something to be proud of. After all, I don't go to skeet-shooting competitions to watch the bullet glide through the air. Why should I watch a hockey game when the puck slides across the ice at about the same speed as a 747 at takeoff?

Maybe he was talking about the speed at which a forearm hits another guy's face. I guess that would be exciting if it was legal. I mean, isn't the idea to get the ball — I mean, puck — in that little net thing at the end? If you put an elbow in somebody's ribs, you should have to go sulk in timeout or something, shouldn't you?

And that's another thing. You know why hockey games are so low-scoring? Because the net is too small. The idea is to move the ball — I mean, puck — down the field — I mean, the ice — and deposit it in a little net with a 300-pound gorilla standing in front of it. Isn't that called goal-tending? Wait a minute, that's basketball. But isn't that illegal? More timeout time, I guess.

Anyway they shouldn't make them put it in a net; just crossing the end-zone line should be enough. It works for football. You can cross the plane of the goal line anywhere between the two out-of-bounds lines and it counts. Even in baseball, you can hit it anywhere between the foul poles. But no, in hockey, they give you a target the size of a car door.

But I digress.

Maybe he was talking about the speed of the action. Yeah, that's it. A game that ends with a score of 1-0 is exciting because it has a lot of action  in it. Uh-huh. Sounds like a soccer score, and that's not any better. At least with soccer, the ball is the size of a cabbage so you can see it. And those little kids look so cute in their shorts. Oh, do grown men play soccer, too? I didn't know that.

Sorry, hockey is not the fastest game in the world. Nor is it the most exciting. Nor is it one that makes any sense at all.

People can't even play  hockey, they can only watch  it. When you were growing up, did your neighborhood friends ever knock on your door in the middle of July and invite you to play in a pick-up hockey game on the school grounds? Heck, they didn't even do that in January.

Nope, hockey is a stupid, wimpy sport. Everything I need to know about sports I learned by watching Tom Landry coach the Cowboys from the sidelines. When his guys got into a fight on the field, did he throw trash cans on the field? No, he stood there with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

Now, there's  a real man in a real sport.

34 comments:

caelanwhite said...

You say hocky is a wimpy sport because it doesn't interest you when you randomly decide to watch it. I also noticed that all of your insults are about the ice, net and puck size, etc.

Maybe you should think of another thing....talent? Almost anyone can throw a basketball into a hoop, or throw a satisfactory spiral into their friends' waiting arms. Let's see you get on skates, learn how to use a stick for everything, and learn the hand-eye coordination in shooting past a "300-lb gorilla". Hockey may not be the most exciting spectator sport, but I can GUARANTEE anyone who thinks it doesn't require talent would be god-awful at it.

Anonymous said...

This post is so absurd. As much as I want to say I appreciate your opinion, I truly don't whatsoever. It's hard to fathom how someone can not appreciate the talent required on the ice, the constant action, and is a Cowboys fan, lmao. You embarrass me. And a puck isn't an excuse for a ball at all, it's a puck, something that has the potential to knock out teeth and break bones, so when you say Hockey is a whimsy sport, I laugh at you. It takes courage to be a hockey player. I wish I could rant on football but everything goes without saying about that shit sport.

Anonymous said...

Lets begin with the obvious, your stupidity. Secondly, F the Cowboys im from Dallas born and raised football is simply SLOW. How many commercials do you watch in a football game? How many freaking time outs do we have to deal with, injuries, etc. Hockey is the greatest sport known to man, and because you never played it you can not fathom the talent necessary to become a pro hockey player. One more time, Cowboys SUCK. Go Dallas Stars!!

Anonymous said...

U are so frucken stupid I play ice hockey and it's so awesome! Wimpy? What the heck u check, fight and have to have alout of strength . Football isnt 1st in being toughest it HOCKEY! Get a life

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you're not secretly a Leafs fan OP? A little butthurt you haven't tasted champagne out of Lord Stanley in your lifetime?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but you sound like an idiot. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

And those little kids look so cute in their shorts. What are you a pedophile

Anonymous said...

Author does has valid points.

Anonymous said...

You say hockey is a terrible sport? IT may be based off skating, but it is still amazing. Look at football. While it is more creative than hockey (to an extent), it is literally much gayer too. In hockey, you have jerseys, sticks and a puck, so little man-toman touch contact is needed. In football, sweaty, fat hulks wearing shorts pounce on each other to get an eye-shaped ball. Heck, cheerleading is more manly because you have to work in sweats, and you can look up skirts :D. Anyways, hockey may not get much goals, but who cares? It's the action we're looking at, not scores. If you have a game with no action but lots of scoring, odds are people will hate it. On the other hand, it's exciting to see players move on ice (which requires talent, unlike running on a grass field), even if they don't get the shot in. Lastly, lets compare it to football. You say the net is small? Look at a basketball hoop! It just barely fits a basketball, while a hockey net could fit like 100 pucks. So hockey is an amazing sport.

Anonymous said...

Hey there, this post is pretty old so I'm wondering if you'll even see this comment, but here goes anyway: I agree completely. Hockey is stupid and terrible, though i disagree that you should have to reason out why it's stupid and terrible (though I respect your attempts to do so). Know how I got here? Because I just Googled "Why is hockey stupid". Because I sort of wanted to know if anyone out there has tackled this subject. Kudos! And to all the people calling you names and claiming you have Stanley Cup envy or some other such ludicrous thing, nevermind: one of my favorite things about the internet is the ability to sound off on something on how you really feel about something and not have to apologize to a bunch of stunned party guests/family members/co-workers who want you to TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT HOCKEY OR I'LL DISEMBOWEL YOU WITH MY ICE SKATES. Or MY COUSIN IS WAYNE GRETZKY YOU HEARTLESS BARNACLE. Whatevs. Hockey is stupid. Right on!

Anonymous said...

Hockey a wimpy sport! HAH! If you are in love with football, why do you play on nice and soft grass, hockey if you fall you be hitting the hard ice. Hockey isnt an intense game? Score doesn't mean it's intense or not, the score isnt very high because it's difficult to score a point. Not like basketball when you score every 3 seconds, hockey is a game of precision, and the means to execute a shift. A much better sport than any other.

Anonymous said...

LMAO RIGHT! ^

Anonymous said...

After playing 7 years basketball at semi-pro level, got married and decided to slow down. But once you into sports, you want to keep on moving. My mates took me to ice-hockey and let me tell you something. NO GAME IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS SO PHYSICALLY DEMANDING, FAST, DANGEROUS...AND SO ON...AS ICE-HOCKEY. JUST ASK YOURSELF, WHY YOU HAVE TO SIT DOWN ON THE BENCH EVERY 5-10 MINUTES. BECAUSE YOUR BODY EVEN AT PRO LEVEL WON'T BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THE PRESSURE AND SPEED OF THE ICE-HOCKEY. IT IS FAST, INTERESTING, PHYSICALLY DEMANDING GAME. ENOUGH SAID.

Wyatt Forcier said...

Maybe it could break a bone... Ya know, if they weren't covered from head to toe in 3 inch thick hard pads. I realize football players wear pads too but they wear a lot less and are getting hit by 200 lb men charging at them. And hockey players have to start a fight over everything. The babies cant ever just grow up and play the game.

Wyatt Forcier said...

You think Hockey is toughest sport?
You'r e covered in pads like you have an over protective mother. And the fights aren't an excuse because that's not part of the sport. Its just being a baby because things arent going how you want them to. Fights happen in all sports. And do you think hockey is tougher than MMA? You make me laugh!

Wyatt Forcier said...

Yeah, falling on the hard ice in your over protective pads must hurt so bad.

Wyatt Forcier said...

Im sorry but I'd say any form of MMA is more physically demanding and dangerous than ice hockey.

Anonymous said...

Ok first of all to everyone who says that because we have tons of padding and equipment means that we're wimps, how about you go out and play a whole game of competitive ice hockey (2 hours) with no equipment but skates and tell me how it goes because I can GARENTEE you that you will not be in good shape. You kind of people piss me off because I know that all of you who are saying that hockey is a easy sport that requires no skill have clearly never tryed to play because you would know that it's not so easy to learn how to move a small puck around 'the size of a hamsandwich' and shoot it in a net passed a guy blocking 3/4 of it, and do it all on ice standing on two pieces of metal. Like I have played almost every sport you can think of including soccer, football, and baseball and I haven't found a sport that i more of a team sport, one that is this hard, one I love more or one that is more painful.
And how about you stop reffering the puck to an excuse of a ball because no one ever entended it to be considered as a ball, and who said all good sports need a ball, I mean how stupid can you be. Do you know how hard those those pucks are? clearly not because they could easily kill someone if they got shot in the head hard enough with it, where as I've gotten the ball to the head, knee, arm and nothing.
And oh yeah, I'm sorry if your deffinition of a fun and entertaining sport is being able to score by getting a ball passed a certain point. I guess you're right, that is pretty hard. And if you think you can't break bones, or get seriously injured or even die in hockey, LOOK IT UP or WATCH A GAME ONCE IN A WHILE because people get hurt in almost every single game, I promise you, weather they show it or not because so many people break bones, get the puck to the face, block slap shots with somewhere with no padding, and don't stop because hockey players work too damn hard to get to where they are to act like pussies and get off the ice because they got hurt. They suck it up and play their shift, pain or no pain.
Before you tell me this, I know already that no it's not always the case.. that there are lots who stay down but they're either trying to draw a penalty because they're like that and they got to where they are way too easily or they're seriously injured to the point where they really can't keep playing, to the point they're teammates or ambulance have to carry them off the ice and aren't ALOUD to get back on. If you think that shit happens with no equipment, imagine what could happen with the amount of equipment soccer players and football players have.

Anonymous said...

Ok first of all to everyone who says that because we have tons of padding and equipment means that we're wimps, how about you go out and play a whole game of competitive ice hockey (2 hours) with no equipment but skates and tell me how it goes because I can GARENTEE you that you will not be in good shape. You kind of people piss me off because I know that all of you who are saying that hockey is a easy sport that requires no skill have clearly never tryed to play because you would know that it's not so easy to learn how to move a small puck around 'the size of a hamsandwich' and shoot it in a net passed a guy blocking 3/4 of it, and do it all on ice standing on two pieces of metal. Like I have played almost every sport you can think of including soccer, football, and baseball and I haven't found a sport that i more of a team sport, one that is this hard, one I love more or one that is more painful.
And how about you stop reffering the puck to an excuse of a ball because no one ever entended it to be considered as a ball, and who said all good sports need a ball, I mean how stupid can you be. Do you know how hard those those pucks are? clearly not because they could easily kill someone if they got shot in the head hard enough with it, where as I've gotten the ball to the head, knee, arm and nothing.
And oh yeah, I'm sorry if your deffinition of a fun and entertaining sport is being able to score by getting a ball passed a certain point. I guess you're right, that is pretty hard. And if you think you can't break bones, or get seriously injured or even die in hockey, LOOK IT UP or WATCH A GAME ONCE IN A WHILE because people get hurt in almost every single game, I promise you, weather they show it or not because so many people break bones, get the puck to the face, block slap shots with somewhere with no padding, and don't stop because hockey players work too damn hard to get to where they are to act like pussies and get off the ice because they got hurt. They suck it up and play their shift, pain or no pain.
Before you tell me this, I know already that no it's not always the case.. that there are lots who stay down but they're either trying to draw a penalty because they're like that and they got to where they are way too easily or they're seriously injured to the point where they really can't keep playing, to the point they're teammates or ambulance have to carry them off the ice and aren't ALOUD to get back on. If you think that shit happens with no equipment, imagine what could happen with the amount of equipment soccer players and football players have.

Anonymous said...

Haha. You are all stupid. You're reading the blog, that's all a blogger cares about, not your opinion of his opinion. And for the record, I think it's hysterical that grown men (I'm assuming) could get so mad they write such long, detailed replies trying to convince someone that THEIR opinion is more valid. Ahahaha. Stupid sports fans.

Anonymous said...

Idiots. Hockey is the dumbest sport on earth. Bunch of toothless pussies fighting when things don't go their way.
Hockey sucks asshole. Period.

Trololololololololololo said...

U can barely see the puck. LAME EXCUSE .

Anonymous said...

Hockey sucks a big bastard pile. Stupid game with a bunch of wimps flailing away at a net with their stupid sticks.

F...g bunch of morons.

Soccer, rugby, football - these are games for men> Hockey is even more boring than cricket and baseball - YAWN !!!

Anonymous said...

Let's see. Go skating sometime, and see how easy it is to even skate. Now imagine shooting at the tiny net without looking at the puck. It took me years to actually lift the puck off the ice. Football players fall on soft grass, while us hockey players fall on ice or solid boards. And go out and play two hours without pads. I guarantee a hard piece of rubber will hurt more than you think. After two hours of no pads, you won't be able to move the next day. Hockey takes skill. Football just requires catching a ball, and learning how to walk.

Anonymous said...

If you ask me, the person who wrote this is a stupid fucking bitch and idiot.


























Jacob Folland said...

Wyatt try to understand the greatest sport before you make asumptions. I'd like to see you lace em up and then you know how absolutely wrong you are. This is coming from someone who played football, baseball, soccer, and hockey. And hands down hockey is the toughest.

Anonymous said...

It is true and a fact that hockey is a dumb and boring and also that it is for wimps. If you dispute this it is because you are dumb and you think Canada is the greatest country on earth. Here is a fact: If you think Canada is the greatest country on earth you can like hockey. Otherwise if you like hockey you are a coward and a traitor to your country who has no honour.

Walker Armatage said...

Your an idiot. I don't think that football players block shots that are somethimes 80km/h. So I would shut up if I were you

Walker Armatage said...

Ya soccer is a real mans sport. When you get a soccer player gets touched he pretends to break his leg or something else. Soccer players should grow a pair and actually play something that requires talent and a sport that requires you not to be a pussy.

account said...

your fucking stupid fights dont just happen because they are losing it happens so the can get your team pumped and score sone goals. And the pads? thats for when you get slammed by a 250 6"4 dude coming at you pretty damn fast. Or for when your blocking a 100mph shot, and even with the pads that cute little tiny puck has still destroyed guys' bones.

account said...

you have to be the biggest dumbass in the world, first off there are more hockey teams in th US then Canada so it isnt just a Canadian sport. And if you like it, doesnt mean your a traitor you dumb fuck. And i dont think a wimp would block a 100mph shot, break his leg, and continue playing. And i guess nonstop speed and movement and huge hits with insane talented moves to get past defence man is really boring (sarcasm) try watching the sport first idiot.

Jeffery Ames said...

I love you

Jeffery Ames said...

I love you

Kelly said...

the majority of the comments about this story is proof that anyone who likes hockey is a poorly educated slack jawed yokel. dumb sport for dumb people.