I Don't Watch Television

The Academy Awards were presented last night. Don't expect to find out from here who won. I have no idea.

I can say (with just a little bit of pride) that I have not seen any of the movies that were nominated for any major Academy Award this year. None. I saw lots of movies last year, but none of the nominated ones.

That really isn't remarkable. Oscar finally jumped the shark in its snobbishness this year and didn't nominate a single blockbuster movie from the previous year. Very few people have seen any of the nominated movies this year. So I guess I'm in good company.

But I have other distinctions that I apparently don't share with many Americans. I don't watch much television, either.

I am one of the few people on the planet who has never seen an episode of "Friends". Never. I've seen a couple of Jennifer Aniston movies, however. She was on that TV show, wasn't she? I dunno. Is it still even on?

I saw only two episodes of "Seinfeld" while it was on. And one of those was the series finale.

I may have watched a couple of episodes of "Cheers". I can't remember. And I think Kelsey Grammer went on to star in something else after that, didn't he?

I've heard that there are a dozen different shows on TV named "csi" or some other tla.

I have never seen an episode of "Survivor". But last spring a friend convinced me to get hooked on "American Idol". I probably saw two-thirds of the episodes, but I missed the finale when Carrie won. I yawned.

I own a television and I subscribe to basic cable. TiVo has no interest for me. I watch a lot of Fox News, some Discovery Channel and Court TV. My son is hooked on Nickelodeon.

But me? If it's a series — if it's fiction — I have no use for it. The truth is strange enough for me.